I might not have performed very well as a student at Medical School, but as I walk out of it, I’m already that person I wanted to be the day I stepped in.
I got promoted by 3 classes in one go back in high school, something that made me 3 years younger than my class fellows in a snap but turned out to be a disastrous move later when I had to live with inferiority complex for many years.
When I stepped into Medical School five years ago, I was timid, introverted and perfection obsessed. Being a perfectionist I decided to get myself a whole new personality that freed me from all the bad traits I had and infused the ones required for realistic pursuit of my dreams. I made a blueprint for my destined persona and started organized attempts of transforming myself to that ideal I had drawn. I called that “xvolution”.
We all reason, passively. Few of us, however, use this faculty to bring about drastic changes in our lives, and those of others.To them logical reasoning is a sacred ritual, a comprehensive art. Thanks to xvolution, I was able to acquire this skill of active reasoning too. So xvolution had, like Alchemy had for medieval Muslim scientists, built me a sophisticated framework of logical reasoning upon which later my entire personality development was to base. Other than that, xvolution was a failure. It never worked.
It took me three years to realize that personalities weren’t very malleable after certain age, a discovery that undermined the credibility of the whole xvolution thing. I wasn’t ready to give up but didn’t have any solutions either. Except one. God. Coincidentally, I had got dramatic success in some academic ventures in those days which were so out of proportion of my efforts that I immediately associated them with divine intervention. It felt as if God was calling me to himself and promising me a working alternative to xvolution. It is then that I got totally transformed into a very religious man. More religious than any other person I personally know, even to date.
I spent my entire fourth year at Medical school as a loyal servant of God. I’d literally spend hours praying, and supplicating and meditating before God. It was a time of infinite bliss and absolute peace of mind. Getting religious, for reasons, had also made me much more productive in my academic affairs. That year, I studied the most comprehensive of Quranic exegeses. I studied hadeeth. I studied Fiqh. I studied philosophy. I studied theology. The whole year of study brought me to a very important and life-changing conclusion:
God didn’t require me to be what I had turned to and being fundamentally religious explicitly violated the true spirit of religion.
At the beginning of final year, I was once again devoid of a roadmap that would take me to my destiny. I was naturally left with only one option: To leave myself on my own. I did that. I stopped intervening in the inner workings of my head with the hope that the environment around me would shape my personality itself, based on whatever was more suited for it. The results were phenomenal and that decision marked the turning point of my life. Within a month, subconsciously, I changed from a hardcore introvert to a hardcore extrovert. Extroversion, in turn, blessed me with the confidence and communication skills I had longed for, for years. Also, I was objected to social criticism, a luxury I couldn’t enjoy in my introverted days. That criticism, in a way, paved way for objectivity in my thinking. Objectivity in thinking sharpened my decision making skill and made doing complex intellectual tasks more neurologically economical. All this happened in less than two months. But there was still more to come.
Everything was going pretty well until the final year MBBS summer vacations when I was back in a life in which friends weren’t around. I had become so addicted of social interactions that I couldn’t bear the loneliness I was confronted with during the vacation. That month is in fact the gloomiest month I remember to ever have lived. By the end of vacations, I had decided to revert back to the introverted myself to bring back harmony in life. I was about to chalk a rollback plan when suddenly I came across a random person across the Pakistani blogosphere who, for enigmatic reasons, made me realize that the thing my new personality lacked was arts and creativity. So rather than reverting to introversion, I decided to try arts.
As soon as college re-opened after summer vacations and friends were around once again, I was back to normal life. But I honored my pledge of getting creativity into my life and started working on a large scale web project as web designing was the best I knew of arts. The web project, codenamed Parsayi, was a huge success. It got considerable media attention and was applauded by numerous intellectuals, philosophers and scientists from around the world. While working on the project, I was introduced to a totally new type of people: The Creative ones, the type of people I hadn’t socialized with my entire previous life. Through them I learned things which I’d otherwise learn only my making mistakes and after paying heavy penalties. The experiences I gained are so numerous and so diverse that the subject merits a separate and detailed article.
As my five years study of medicine concludes, I have achieved all the dreams I had while stepping into the medical school. In fact, I’ve gone far beyond what I had envisioned back then.
I dream of the skies now.